Westlife: London Wembley Arena

Ten fabulous facts about the boys they're all calling Westlife...

Fact 1: Westlife’s manager Louis Walsh sleeps in sheets made of real fifty pound notes and when they get dirty, he doesn’t wash them, he burns them in a bin in the garden.

Fact 2: When Westlife tour they have five chauffeur driven hovercrafts just to take them down the shops to get fags. “We’ve got hovercrafts!” said Bryan recently.

Fact 3: Coincidentally, all of Westlife are sixers in the Cubs except for Mark who is a Sea Scout.


Fact 4: The word ‘fox’ comes from the Latin for ‘Gareth’.

Fact 5: Westlife write all their songs themselves and are inspired by war.

Fact 6: If you think Kian Egan looks familiar, perhaps you went to school with him or someone who looks very much like him.

Fact 7: An anagram of Westlife is FELT STEW.

Fact 8: If you swallow an apple seed an apple tree grows inside you.

Fact 9: Westlife are not boring live. Admittedly, tonight’s between-song banter is scripted and banal, the set is uninspired and, despite hi-tec projections, barely rises above school play standard. They can sing (Mark best, Kian worst). They do dance (Shane best, Kian exceedingly the worst). They don’t sit on stools. They do sit on blocks, stairs, car tyres… but NEVER stools. During ‘Seasons In The Sun’ there are treadmills and raincoats with detachable sleeves – you couldn’t begin to imagine! Anyone who performs a Motown medley, and wasn’t on Motown, is a [I][This word has been removed on grounds of taste and decency][/I]. They fly at the end, without wings, obviously. They have the onstage charisma of biscuits. They should be ashamed of themselves.


Fact 10: None of these facts are true except this one. And maybe one of the others.

Timothy Mark