Christmas brings out the best in some: Scrooge, that pigeon woman in Home Alone 2 and – yup – Zooey Deschanel. A dreadful pleb in most movies (I’m looking at you, (500) Days Of Summer), give her a sprinkling of Elf powder and she transforms into a lovable seraph, giftwrapped by Santa himself. Alas, this coiled turd of a record undoes all that good work. Zooey’s breathy delivery sounds like a Sainsbury’s ad, while M Ward grumbles on like the pissed-up uncle everyone hates. Feeling like a Grinch? Stick this in someone’s stocking this holiday and watch their soul split in two.