Kid Carpet : £1,500 And A Bus Apology

The Fisher-Price future of dance

Dance music didn’t die, it just reverted to childhood. Meet one Ed Patrick, aka Bristolian bonkeroonie Kid Carpet who – so blitzed was he one day on psychedelic cider, cow dung and fresh country air – has decided to devote his frankly deranged existence to creating ‘electwrongica’ using toy guitars, re-wired Simon Says machines and ancient games of Ker-Plunk. Now we’ve had some of what he’s on and it’s brilliant, as is this bizarre charity gizmo – a mothercare mash-up that was considered too weird to be featured on soon-come debut album ‘Ideas And Oh Dears’ (which is like Max Carlish rejecting film footage for being ‘too me me me’) being, essentially, what it would sound like if Creamfields relocated to Trumpton.

More Big Bear than Big Beat, we can only take the wildest of stabs at the ‘instruments’ used to forge this inner city Magic Roundabout masterpiece of lolloping Lemon Jelly boinginess. But I’d say it’s the ZX Spectrum’s Jet Set Willy being tied to a Skalectrix track, battered about the face and body with a knackered Slinky and having the electric tweezers from Operation clamped to his testicles. Um, that you can dance to. That it includes a rapping auctioneer, more West Country yokels than you could terrify with an electric torch and ends with Stephen Hawking apologising for the late arrival of the 18.18 bus from Taunton is further proof of a mind so wonderfully warped it probably thinks Arsenal deserved to win the FA Cup. It wobbles, certainly, but it doesn’t fall down.