Boardmasters

Boardmasters 2017

“The One for Surf Dudes”

When: 8-12 August

Where: Watergate Bay, Cornwall

Who’s headlining: Catfish And The Bottlemen, The Chemical Brothers, George Ezra

Who else is playing: Kano, Years & Years, Rag’n’Bone Man, Everything Everything, Friendly Fires

Tickets: £154, weekend camping

Yo, gnarly festival, dude! Yes yes, nice surfer-speak. Boardmasters is indeed the place where ‘boogers’ can get ‘amped’ on a ‘choka’ ‘bomb’ between sets on one of the four main stages.

You’ve never surfed in your life, have you? I am, ahem, way out of my depth here.

Do you have to surf to enjoy Boardmasters? It might sell itself as the Point Break that rocks, but you can get in the Boardmasters zone without ever strapping yourself to a plank. Chill on Fistral Beach watching the Pro Surf and BMX competitions, join a waterside yoga class or just lounge around a barbeque making up stories about dropping into an awesome barrel in Waikiki one time and you’ll slot in just fine.

And if I want to surf the various musical vibes instead? If the closest you’ve ever got to putting a wetsuit on is snogging along to the Vaccines, you’ll find the rock in the Land Of Saints tent, the dance and grime in Unleashed and the big names on the main stage, brewster.

That’s enough bad surfer slang. Um, cowabunga?