Alan Partridge might be the littlest of Englanders, but he’s doing his level best to get with the times – even if he’s about as successful as your grandad logging on to TikTok.
Shown dancing to a group of calypso drummers who have been invited on to This Time to cover the chat show’s recognisable theme tune, Alan takes just 30 seconds of this new episode to look a tit. Flailing his arms about in the air and grinning like an idiot, he’s clearly trying to foster the image of a cosmopolitan presenter, but instead comes across like Nigel Farage on a Caribbean holiday.
Things get even more awkward as the episode progresses, with our Norfolk newsman continuing to investigate anything he’s totally clueless about. Invited to a chemsex house party, Alan gets into it quickly. “Guys, talk me through this,” he asks one bemused attendee. “You gather at a modern suburban semi, err, you take your drugs, it’s kecks off and away you go?”
Even funnier is the moment Alan does mephedrone for the first time. Fucked off his face, he spends much of the experience staring blankly into a giant magnifying glass. “My main recollection was an overwhelming desire to put on my comfy pyjamas and watch Tarzan. Is that sexy? I have no idea,” is his main takeaway.
Elsewhere in this latest outing, Alan gives drama therapy a go – which uses role play as a tool to help people explore their personal problems. It’s no surprise that Alan soon hijacks the sessions to show off his his thespian chops to the nation. His impression of a Midwestern American biker is perhaps the most cringeworthy thing he’s ever done.
And all this before a pathetic attempt at currying favour with co-presenter Jennie Gresham, after it’s revealed that she has split from fiancée Sam Chatwin (Simon Farnaby).
While Alan’s attempts at sympathy might be ordinarily commended, it’s crystal clear that his sidling up to Jennie might be advantageous to his own career. You’ll have to wait until next week to see how far he gets (probably not very).
- “Last night I was at a fundraiser for Help For Heroes as the plus one of Grant Shapps. Shappsy had a row with his wife because they’d agreed to go vegetarian for a month and she found a receipt from Byron Burger.”
- “I met Brian May at Jodrell Bank [Observatory] several years ago and said ‘I have to take my hat off to you Mr May, women are meant to have fatter bottoms!” – Alan on discussing the Queen guitarist’s ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ track.
- “His eyes were too thin, they were! I don’t think you could have startled the man if you tried” – Alan’s ‘consoles’ Jennie after her split with fiancée Sam Chatwin.
- “A time of unrestrained glee as a nation dared to believe the nightmare of a Labour government could soon be over” – Alan on the rise of chemsex in the late noughties.
- “I was soon invited to a [chemsex] party in a suburban area I won’t name in order to protect house prices”