Dunno if you’ve heard, but ‘T2 Trainspotting‘, the belated sequel to Irvine Welsh’s classic 1996 black comedy about a bunch of charismatic if utterly feckless heroin addicts in Edinburgh, is out now. We bloody love it! Everyone’s got a favourite ‘Trainspotting’ character, whether it’s slippery Sick Boy (Jonny Lee Miller), daft old Spud (Ewen Bremner) or the slightly more relatable Renton (Ewan McGregor). Oh! But what about Begbie (Robert Carlyle), everyone’s favourite loveable psycho? Everyone loves sweary, wild-eyed, impulsive Begbie. What would the world look like it was full of Begbies? Well, we’d probably get more done, though almost none of it would be good. It would also look a little like this…
1Begbie Farage
Begbie Farage, def.: a deceptively dangerous, seemingly comical douchebag prone to lies, confrontation and general arse-wipery.
2Begbie Allen
Lily Allen’s going to kill us for this, isn’t she.
3Homer Begbie
He doesn’t touch the smack, but ol’ Homer Begbie’s mad for a tasty, crisp bottle of Duff beer.
4Nu-Begbie
Fred Durst: perhaps the only man who swears more than Francis Begbie.
5Arsene Begbie
Imagine trying to play a decent game of footie while Arsene Begbie paced up and down the sidelines, his massive coat quaking with quietly building rage.
6Alan Begbie
Alan Sugar made his fortune selling shit, obsolete computers even Begbie would be embarrassed to flog down the pub.
7The Begenant
God, imagine finding yourself in a cold, harsh, bitter environment where danger lurks at every turn. That’s right, it’s tough in Edinburgh.
8Begbie May
Theresa May has been accused of indecisiveness, so perhaps she could take a leaf out of Begbie’s book and break a pool cue over Jeremy Corbyn’s back, ask questions later.