Oh good, The Upside Down really exists!
On every David Attenborough-narrated nature documentary series, there comes a defining scene: A ‘nature is mad’ reality check; a sudden suspicion that what you’re watching might be some ingenuous use of CGI, rather than actual footage. With last year’s Planet Earth 2, that scene involved baby iguanas – newly hatched from the sand, innocent as can be – immediately being chased to their brutal deaths by packs of conniving racer snakes. Hundreds of thousands of viewers sitting snugly at home were reminded that Hell definitely exists.
It’s happened again on Blue Planet II. Last night’s (November 12) episode revealed wonderful things: turtles receiving manicures, a cuttlefish changing its complexion to hypnotise its prey, grouper fish miraculously reproducing in time with the full moon. But slap bang in the middle of the episode, we saw something terrifying. A sea creature so evil, it could only have spawned from the Upside Down.
The bobbit. Don’t let its friendly name deceive you. This is a metre-long, deadly worm that burrows itself in the sand of a coral reef and only comes out at night. If a lovely, tiny fish hovers over its territory in the dark, the bobbit pounces and, as Attenborough cheerily revealed, with teeth as sharp as daggers, it pulls said fish into its evil lair. If this was how Finding Nemo ended, Pixar would be facing a lawsuit for ruining everyone’s childhood.
Look at it. Look at the pure evil existing in its curved teeth and muddy gob. Stuck for a new Tinder profile pic? Give this a go.
Naturally, nobody in their right mind ever wants to enter the ocean again. And many are rightly comparing the bobbit to the demogorgon on Stranger Things. Who knows, maybe the Duffer brothers had an unfortunate coastal dive many years ago and used it for inspiration.
What a miraculous world we live in. Just think, on the same planet as concrete jungles, football grounds and Pret, beautiful creatures untainted by humans can thrive and–NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, THE BOBBIT NEEDS TO GO.
Don’t worry too much. Otherwise going by the name Eunice aphroditois, these creatures only really exist in regions of the Indian Ocean. You’re safe. Unless, that is, you happened to be the unfortunate owner of this fish tank, which managed to hide a 1.2-long bobbit for two years. In which case, sorry for mentioning bobbits again.
Anyway, sleep tight now!