So Kate Winslet has finally admitted that there was plenty of room to get Jack onto her plank at the end of Titanic and her character Rose simply let him die so she could get more legroom. Really, all she had to do was shift over a bit and boom, happy ending; one couple have even gone to the length of mapping out her space to prove that the pair could’ve floated back to Blighty playing cribbage all the way if Rose hadn’t wanted to keep a few feet spare in case she chanced upon her suitcase of shoes.
But this isn’t the only example of a film overlooking the glaringly obvious for dramatic effect. Imagine if only…
The Eagles Dropped The Hobbits Off At Mount Doom
Surely it was in everyone’s interest to defeat Sauron and save Middle Earth in The Lord Of The Rings – even the oversized birdlife? So how come Gandalf let his diminutive friends make the treacherous journey through the entire last film on foot when he could simply call on his huge eagle comrades to fly them straight to Mount Doom and drop it in from a safe height?
Doug From The Hangover Had Tried To Attract Attention
People tend to notice if there’s someone standing on the edge of a building screaming bloody murder. So why the hell did groom-to-be Doug from The Hangover just sit in the scorching Vegas sun on the shadeless roof of the Mirage for two days while his friends got into all manner of unlikely scrapes trying to find him, instead of, I dunno, dropping bits of the ventilation casings off the roof to get someone’s attention?
Indiana Jones Had Minded His Own Business
At several points in Raiders Of The Lost Arl, Indiana Jones would have been much more use if he’d stopped trying to find the Ark Of The Covenant and just gone down the bingo instead. When he realises that a short staff and incomplete headpiece are causing the Nazis to dig in the wrong place, he goes ahead and uses his correct equipment to dig it up anyway, allowing the Germans to get their hands on it. And that’s ignoring the fact that if Jones had merely stayed at home and not gotten involved at all, the Nazis may well have found the Ark, taken it back to Hitler and watched his face melt off when he opened it, thus preventing WWII. So, in effect, Indy saved Hitler and is one of the unwritten architects of the greatest slaughter in the history of humanity. Should’ve been called Raiders Of The Full Fridge.
ET Had Flown Back Onto His Spaceship
In one of the most iconic images in cinematic history, ET magically causes Elliot’s bike to lift off into the air, defying gravity with his mad alien telekinetic powers, or some shit. So how come the proto-Gollum didn’t use the same powers at the start of the film, fly up to his departing spaceship and knock on a window to be let in?
The Star Wars Commander Had Shot Down The Escape Pod Carrying The Droids
“Hold your fire, there’s no life forms aboard,” starts the classic online Star Wars geek joke. “‘Hold your fire’? What, are we paying by the laser now?” “You don’t do the budget, Terry, I do!” Yes, fear of laser wastage appears to be the only reasonable excuse that generations of Star Wars fanatics have come up with as to why the commander at the start of A New Hope, in the middle of a huge cosmic firestorm to prevent vital information about the Death Star slipping out of their grasp – and in an era when droids were as prevalent as iPhones – decides to let a random escape pod fly unharmed towards nearby Tatooine without blasting it to bits. And while we’re at it, surely the original Star Wars trilogy should’ve been much shorter since Obi-Wan Kenobi decided to ‘hide’ Luke Skywalker with family on his father’s home planet using his actual surname. Last place they’ll look for him, right?
Skynet Had Never Sent Arnold Schwarzenegger Back From The Future
If Skynet had never sent the first Terminator back in time to kill John Connor’s mother before he could be born, then John Connor wouldn’t have had to send Kyle Reese back to protect her, and becoming John’s father in the process. But then John wouldn’t have been born anyway so he wouldn’t have been around to send Kyle back and Skynet wouldn’t have had to send Arnie back in the first place because there’d have been no rebellion to cut off at the source, so… has anybody got a Nurofen?
The Interstellar Scientists Had Realised They Could Just Grow Plants On Earth
A crop blight on Earth forces an underground NASA team to send Matthew McConaughy on a time-bending mission through a wormhole to an entirely different universe where he ages much slower than us like some kind of extreme Botox treatment. But at the end of the film un-blighted plants are being grown quite happily in spaceships travelling to humanity’s new home, so why didn’t the Earthlings just leave McConaughy to age incredibly gracefully and grow food in spaceship conditions on Earth? Problem solved, no need to shift seven billion people a thousand light years, um, no film.
Marty Had Taken A Spare Set Of Delorean Repairs Back To 1885 In Back To The Future 3
Sit down. Concentrate. In the third instalment of the time-travelling franchise that’s more hole than plot, Doc has gone back to 1885 only to have the Delorean’s ‘time circuits’ blow, components which wouldn’t be invented until 1947. Hence the car was unrepairable by 19th Century technological standards and Doc was stuck in the past. Back in the future, Marty finds the car, repairs it and travels back to save Doc, only for the car’s fuel lines to be damaged. The rest of the film involves the pair attempting to get the car up to time-travel speed by locomotive power. Completely unnecessarily. Because, think about it, there are two Deloreans in 1885 now. The one Doc had there and the one Marty drove back. They’re the same car, but in different timelines. So why didn’t Marty just take the required spare parts back to 1885 with him, fix the fully fuelled Delorean that Doc had there and drive home in that? Duh.