Another day, another daft e-petition. It’s been reported that the original video for Britney Spears’ ‘Make Me’ was scrapped for being “too sexy”, so smut-hungry fans have of course demanded its release post-haste. At the time of writing, the petition has been signed by 13,898 people, just 1,102 short of its target. And what happens when that magic number is reached? That’s right – literally nothing.
The bid to ban Kanye from Glastonbury, the one to stop Phil Collins from coming out of retirement – we tend to think of pointless petitions as a new phenomenon, but a quick skim through the history books reveals that they’ve been tied up with the music biz for rather some time. Here, then, are five of the daftest musical petitions from the annals of history.
1956: Elvis in Houston
The King was riding high in ’56, with ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ enjoying its seventh week at number one in the US charts. So there was much hullaballoo when he was due to perform in Houston that year. He’d done a show there just six months earlier with no fuss, but this time he was met, figuratively speaking, with pitchforks. Three days prior to his arrival in the city, local paper The Chronicle bore a photo of three students passing a “We Hate Elvis Presley” petition around the University of Houston campus. They wanted his songs banned from the student bar and planned to execute an Elvis Presley effigy.
1983: MTV in Virginia
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The launch of MTV outraged some conservative folk, what with all the bared flesh – Duran Duran’s video for ‘Girls On Film’, for example, was groundbreaking in its depiction of full-frontal nudity. In 1983 Roger Wilder, a Baptist youth music from Emporia, Virginia, got so fed up of all that titillation that he created a petition to have the channel removed from the local network. Just think: if he’d been successful, the poor folks in Emporia wouldn’t be able to enjoy Teen Mom series five today.
2001: Eminem in Glasgow
Em was due to perform at the Gig on the Green festival in Glasgow, as was Marilyn Manson. This ticked off Edward McDonald, of the Catholic Charismatic Renewal Group, no end. He sent a petition to Glasgow City Council and later told the BBC: “Our children should not be exposed to such acts. We find the violent lyrics of Eminem and the disgusting stage show of Marilyn Manson unacceptable and we just decided to do something about it. We plan to hold a peaceful prayer event in Glasgow on the day of the concert to show our opposition.”
2004: Marilyn Manson in Diamond Dead
Zombie movie king George A. Romero never made his mooted zombie rock band movie Diamond Dead, but there was talk of Marilyn Manson being cast as dope-smoking Jesus in the black comedy that would also feature a minister with bit of a kink fetish. This was clearly meant to cause controversy – and, lo and behold, an e-petition (surely an early example of the phenomenon) swiftly followed. 377 people signed it in two weeks, which seems a bit paltry by today’s standards.
2007: Morrissey and Letterman
Not sure if you’re heard, but Morrissey is categorically un-keen on meat-eating. He appeared on The Late Show With David Letterman to perform ‘That’s How People Grow Up’. The offence arose when the closing credits depicted Letterman and his crew salivating over spare ribs and the announcer cheekily saying, “Mmm! Spare ribs!”. The message boards were alight on morrisseysolo.com, with one fan summing up the general mood: “They are eating meat on Letterman — this is unacceptable to me.” A petition to boycott the show swiftly followed. We’re unclear on the difference between petitioning to not watch it and just not watching it, but there you go.