Just over a year ago, a man with a gun walked into a gay club in Orlando, Florida, and killed 49 people. 58 others were injured. It was the deadliest incident of mass violence against LGBTQ+ people in American history.
The massacre took place on June 12 – towards the start of Pride Month – and it was in the fresh memory of this horrific tragedy that some laughable Twitter users recently got the hashtag #HeterosexualPrideDay trending on Twitter. Theirs was the dunce’s perennial shower-thought: ‘If there’s Gay Pride, why isn’t there Straight Pride?’
Pride started in 1970 to mark the anniversary of the watershed Stonewall riots of June 1969, which kickstarted the gay liberation movement in the USA. These days it’s both a celebration of progress, and a display of solidarity against continuing instances of oppression: in the USA there are several states where you can still be fired from your job for your sexuality, not to mention the 10 countries where you can still be executed for it.
Our Prime Minister, Theresa May, once voted against the repeal of Section 28 and against gay adoption; in 2013, when May was Home Secretary, the UK Border Agency that she was in charge of put gay asylum seekers through the humiliation of having to provide filmed evidence of themselves having sex to prove they were gay, and therefore ‘deserved’ asylum. This year she did a deal with the Democratic Unionist Party to hold on to power after the Conservatives’ disastrous election, despite the DUP’s opposition to gay rights – in Northern Ireland gay marriage is still not legal. Pride exists because it is necessary.
This weekend (July 8-9) Pride hits London, with more Pride events scheduled across the UK over summer. To mark the occasion, here’s some legends on Twitter jabbing at to the totally flawed idea of Straight Pride – in many different ways.
1. Sarcasm
A moment of silence for all the straight kids getting kicked out after coming out to their parents #HeterosexualPrideDay
— Sammi ?️? (@asoftsanctuary) June 30, 2017
Recommended
2. Righteousness
Listen, when straight marriage is illegal and straight adoption rights are blocked, then you can have a straight pride day.
— Puffi (@One_Tuff_Puff) June 29, 2017
3. Incredulousness
straight people wanna be oppressed so bad when ur family disowns you for being straight then we can talk #HeterosexualPrideDay
— lynn-secure (@SBallaccomo) June 30, 2017
4. Ridicule
https://twitter.com/mollystilling/status/880907052004061184
5. Sarcasm 2.0
In red are all the countries where it's illegal to be heterosexual. Must be tough #HeterosexualPrideDay pic.twitter.com/iVZ3rVpsKl
— Trevor Tomlinson (@TrevTomlinson) June 29, 2017
6. Real-talk
I wonder why one's underlined?? Maybe because it doesn't exist #heterosexualprideday pic.twitter.com/MzTwVabrhr
— ?????? Ⓥ ?♀️? (@queerdogdad) June 29, 2017
7. Dudley-isms
#HeterosexualPrideDay is like when dudley from harry potter cried that he got one less birthday gift than the year before to get another
— tori (@tortexeira) July 1, 2017
8. Disingenuous sympathy
when ur so insecure abt ur unhappy marriages and bad romance films that u get jealous of ppl being murdered #HeterosexualPrideDay
— ?️?funky little lesbian?️? (@kynespeace) June 29, 2017
9. Double-standards-shaming
conservatives: complain about liberals being cry babies.
also conservative: #HeterosexualPrideDay
— andrea (@andkaybec) July 1, 2017
10. Surrealism
https://twitter.com/DavidgeThomas/status/880690279216500740
https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/880464560406372352
11. “Do not compare yourself to me: you are not on my level”
https://twitter.com/CGGuy44/status/880279539783421952
12. Seriousness
#HeterosexualPrideDay please read this pic.twitter.com/VVMtSaauqt
— ines (@stupidwithIove) June 29, 2017
13. The ‘If Straight Pride existed’ argument
The Straight Pride flag is just a pair of cargo shorts
— it’s kiko! (@royalpizzaboy) June 29, 2017
https://twitter.com/LeeDawsonPT/status/882278283810926593
imagining straight pride
~ a come dine with me float
~ sponsored by bing
~ morris dancing
~ men calling their wives "ball and chain" ?— mrs smely, london (@phryneii) June 28, 2017
Happy #heterosexualprideday Hope to see y'all there !! pic.twitter.com/hulPJ9qOvn
— jordy (@glossybussy) June 30, 2017
14. Family Guy comparisons
#HeterosexualPrideDay in a nutshell. pic.twitter.com/nSLZ85IeYD
— ????? (@ughtobin) June 30, 2017
15. Meanness
#HeterosexualPrideDay pic.twitter.com/YzYqcRAVVp
— unsuspended!leo (@taakotacco) June 29, 2017
16. Irony
YAY #HeterosexualPrideDay lets watch them all buy coffee and have a normal life and live happy and not get murdered
— Roly West (@RolyUnGashaa) June 29, 2017
17. Argument-ending thoughts
hoping to celebrate #HeterosexualPrideDay? read these tweets. pic.twitter.com/OkABtil6Jy
— tyler oakley (@tyleroakley) June 29, 2017
Everyone who think #HeterosexualPrideDay should be a thing please read this.. pic.twitter.com/w3IiSKpkDo
— Sebb Argo (@SebbArgo) June 29, 2017
Thanks for joining us on this warm tour of Twitter comedy. Have a lovely Pride, everyone.