...they’d be this lot, probably
Has extremely loyal fans thanks to former glories (IE: being funny on Have I Got News For You a few times), enjoys a good flirt with far right ideologies, is often rude about foreign people, has a giant ego, can be media shy when it suits him, loves Brexit.
Boris Johnson is… MORRISSEY
Has revealed a fondness for hoovering up bugle in a former life, looks absolutely terrifying without his make-up on
Michael Gove is… MARILYN MANSON
Partly responsible for the 2012 Olympics being great (he was Culture Secretary at the time), is a multi-millionaire, looks like he was probably good at hockey at school.
Jeremy Hunt is… COLDPLAY
Comes from humble beginnings (son of a bus driver), and used to earn about £3.4 million a year when he worked for Deutsche Bank but still somehow considers himself to be a man of the people.
Sajid David is… NOEL GALLAGHER
And for old time’s sake…
Likeable but slightly pathetic weirdo who is unable to wear ties properly and has a penchant for opium
Rory Stewart is… PETE DOHERTY